Day 14: When God Seems Distant 

Point to Ponder: God is real no matter how I feel.   

Verse to Remember:  Hebrews 13:5 (TEV)

Question to Consider: How can I stay focused on God’s presence, especially when he feels distant?

“God is real no matter how I feel??” Too often, that as has been more of a question than a statement in my bipolar world. God is real no matter how I feel...

That hasn’t been an easy belief to come by for Bipolar Girl. Feeling. That’s all I seemed to do the past 13 years. My feelings were out of control and the more out of control my feelings were… the less in control God seemed. I can’t count how many times over the last 13 years that I wondered if there really was a God. Surely God wouldn’t let my mind torture me the way it was. Surely if he were real and I was a true follower of His… then he would change things….make them better.

I couldn’t focus on God’s presence when he felt distant. I would focus on death and what a release it would be for me. Hebrews 13 didn’t seem to help much either. What good was it if he wasn’t leaving me or forsaking me…. if he was going to let me go through all the pain and suffering? I never came to the point where I actually denied God…but I spent many years wondering about him as I struggled against the darkness.

Yet, all these experiences have made me believe that no matter what changes in my life, he’s still the same. Despite all the pain and mental anguish, my faith is stronger now than it's ever been. I finally get the point: no matter how I feel God is still God. That’s one reason I go to the beach. I am able focus on his omnipotence and his unchanging nature. My problems seem so much smaller when I am standing facing the ocean. Rick Warren says to focus on his character and nature. The beach makes me think of God, the Creator. He made me. He knows how I work. Nothing that I do surprises him. When I am able, reading the bible helps me focus on his presence, as does praying and journaling. Warren also suggests “praying like David prayed.” David was a whiner. Looks like I’m in good company.

Mostly I just have to obey what I believe was the last thing God told me to do and trust that in his timing he’s going to show me whatever it is he needs me to see WHEN He needs me to see it.  I don’t want my faith to be at the mercy of my feelings. I do not want my feelings to dictate what I believe. It has to be the other way around and the only way to have a living faith that is real and growning is to use it.

me. Despite all the pain and mental anguish, my faith is stronger now than it's ever been. I finally get the point: no matter how I feel God is still God. That’s one reason I go to the beach. I am able focus on his omnipotence and his unchanging nature. My problems seem so much smaller when I am standing facing the ocean. Rick Warren says to focus on his character and nature. The beach makes me think of God, the Creator. He made me. He knows how I work. Nothing that I do surprises him. When I am able, reading the bible helps me focus on his presence, as does praying and journaling. Warren also suggests “praying like David prayed.” David was a whiner. Looks like I’m in good company.

Mostly I just have to obey what I believe was the last thing God told me to do and trust that in his timing he’s going to show me whatever it is he needs me to see WHEN He needs me to see it.  I don’t want my faith to be at the mercy of my feelings. I do not want my feelings to dictate what I believe. It has to be the other way around and the only way to have a living faith that is real and growning is to use it.