Day 12: Developing Your Friendship with God

 

Point to Ponder: I am as close to God as I choose to be.  

 

Verse to Remember:  James 4:8a (NLT)

 

Question to Consider:

What practical choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?

 

The most practical choice that I could have made on Day 12 was to realize that I couldn’t keep up with this blog according to Rick Warren’s daily schedule. I just don’t process my thoughts that fast. So much was coming up for me this week that I really needed time to just let it simmer. Trying to bust out a post on his 40 day plan was starting to get to me… and two wise folks commented in this area on another post. I DO beat myself up a lot. I know it. What I’m coming to realize and accept is that it’s ok that I don’t move to the beat of somebody else’s drum. That doesn’t make them better than I am … and it doesn’t make me a loser. What might take RW 40 days to accomplish might take me 40 weeks, not because I’m lazy… but because I’m thinking. I’m also feeling and maybe the feelings coming up need time to exist before I chug on to the next feeling.

 

I think rushing to grow on somebody else’s time table has been what had made me feel like a failure many times in the past. The most practical choice that I made on Day 12 (which was 2 days ago) is that my “day 12” might actually have 72 hours in it instead of 24. Then a scripture jumped into my mind:

 

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”

 

God doesn’t want me to rush through this stage of my growth any more than a parent wants their teenager to be in a rush to grow up. However long my “40 Days of Purpose” lasts won’t matter as long as I am seeking a deeper more meaningful relationship with God. So the most practical thing I did was to slow down. Having done that I’ve had time to think about what Warren said:

 

• I must be honest with God.

Tough statement since we’re also told in scripture to do stuff without whining and grumbling. Whining and Grumbling are my middle names… (Right after Ann-Marie). Bipolar Girl has had loads of guilt over the years because all she felt was depression and despair. I was supposed to be all happy happy joy joy. Surely God didn’t want my gripes. And along comes Rick Warren pointing out that it’s ok to have doubts and citing key biblical figures who doubted.

 “In the Bible, the friends of God were honest about their feelings, often complaining, second-guessing, accusing, and arguing with their Creator. God, however didn’t seem to be bothered by their frankness; in fact, he encouraged it.” (pg. 93)

 

Where was Rick Warren the year after I got saved? I thought I was the worst sort of Christian because I couldn’t scrounge up all kinds of warm fuzzies. My doubts would get the best of me and I would feel like I was failing at the Christian walk. And again, I ask where was Rick Warren… with this nugget: “Expressing doubt is sometimes the first step towards the next level of intimacy with God.” I don’t think all doubt is faith building… but when I’m willing to obey what I believe to be the voice of God despite my doubts, I’ve grown in my faith. God wants our obedience more than sacrifice and religiosity. Obeying him has often gotten me in trouble or brought me pain. That’s when the doubts creep in… and when I try to hold them in or deal with it all by myself … that’s when I strap on a seatbelt in the bipolar roller coaster.

 

 NEWSFLASH: GOD KNOWS MY THOUGHTS.

 

He knows I doubt and wants me to come to him… not my friends or colleagues… or even my blog. There IS a time for all of that… but God wants me to come to him first. Day 12 reading confirmed that. Other practical things that I can do right now? Continue in my Transformations study every Wednesday. Continue to go to Him with all my issues no matter how small, petty, or spiteful they might seem… and the big choice? I can choose to obey what He tells me the first time.