Day   10: The Heart of Worship

Point to Ponder:  The heart of worship is surrender

Verse to Remember: Romans 6:13b

Question to Consider: What area of my life am I holding back from God?

Warren made an excellent point as soon as the horse was out of the gate. He said that there are “three barriers that block our total surrender to God: fear, pride, and confusion.” My bipolar senses started tingling when I read that one.  What am I holding back from God? Total surrender...

Rick Warren then asked a purpose driven the question: Can I trust God?

 In the margins from a previous reading I wrote “Fear.” I used to be afraid to trust God. Some of the worst pain of my life has come from stepping out in faith to follow God only to get the ultimate smack down from other Christians. I used to wait for the other shoe (which was the size of several small Japanese villages) to drop. When it dropped (and it always did) I’d say, “See! I knew it” and pull back just a bit more from trusting God. After this past nightmare year dealing with the fallout from my relationship and my horrible job back in California I trust God more than I ever have… but I still have trust issues and I’m not going to fake like I don’t. What would putting on a front accomplish? Not a whole hell of a lot. Since the point of this blog is to help in my growth, honesty is foundational. So, God? I love you with all of my heart… but I still afraid to trust you for things. Help. That’s what I’ll write in the margins next to today’s retro date. “Help.” I’m not as scared as I was… so I’ve grown.

The second barrier: Admitting our limitations

If I’m honest, this is at the source of a lot of Bipolar Girl’s depression.  “When faced with our own limitations we react with irritation, anger and resentment. We want to be taller (or shorter), smarter, stronger, more talented, more beautiful, and wealthier. We want to have it all and do it all, and we become upset when it doesn’t happen. Then when we notice that God gave others characteristics we don’t have, we respond with envy, jealousy, and self-pity.” (pg. 37) In all those posts that I would write about my “dragons” that follow me… I’d mention the Dragon Fear… and he was always followed by that Shaggy Beast Self-Pity. I don’t like what my bipolar has done to me. I used to be brilliant in college. A complete psycho… but my mind was my treasure. For years my bipolarized mind became the enemy trying to kill me. Now? I hate that the meds slow me down and I can’t remember so very very much. My list of limitations is long and I’ve TRIED to do a lot of that stuff and failed, so it wasn’t for lack of trying. Accepting my limitations? I’m not there yet.

  My prayer? Lord,  help me accept the limitations that you have put on me… but give me the discernment to see what you’d have me seek to overcome.