**Days 1-10 will be short "retro-bursts" posts. Rapid Fire posts in the next 30 minutes to cover the last ten days. One post for each day... and I won't ramble on.

The first thing he said on the page after all the warm fuzz prefacy stuff was "It's not all about you."

I had a big problem with the first time I read it. I had a big problem with it the second time I read the book... and I'm still having a problem with it on try #4. How can it NOT be about me when I'm the one who has had to deal with the emotional pain, stress and angst??? If it wasn't me going through all of that I really would like to know. Stop that girl... she's an impostor. Warren says that the purpose of my life is "far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even you happiness." So why am I here if it's not about me?

I know that God created me for a purpose... but since I don't know said purpose and haven't been able to figure it out... and since I am the person going through the motions, I'm not living that statement. There's a song where this woman is soulfully crooning, "It's all about YOU" and she's talking to Jesus. She's telling him that it's all for him and she's surrendered to him. I don't understand what it means to live a fully surrendered life. I want to live that kind of life but I keep getting in the way. I want things done my way and in my time.

*Each Day has a box at the end of the section in the book called "Thinking About My Purpose." There is a Point to Ponder; a Verse to Remember; and a Question to Consider. That's what I was answering in my "Purpose Driven Journal." That will generally be the focus here.

Point to Ponder: It's not about me

Verse to Remember: Colossians 1:16b (Msg)

Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I'm being challenged in this right now. I spent all evening working on my taxes online. This is after spending who knows how many hours with pencil and calculator. Money is a stressor for me. I just want it over. I was feeling really pleased a half an hour ago when I clicked "submit." I get an email just now as I'm typing. My efile tax whatever you call it has been rejected by the IRS. *Eyes trying not to twitch. This certainly FEELS like it's all about me. I'm the one who was struggling to do the math. I'm the one the IRS is going to come after if I made some goofy mistake. I'm all for "giving Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar"... but it's hard to see God when my heart is constricting so badly. I know I didn't do anything illegal but for the life of me I don't know what my mistake was. I've got three taxes to file (CA, HI, and Federal). Where is God in this wrinkle?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

That's where He is. Standing here telling me not to worry. Worry isn't going to accomplish anything. Neither will avoiding the issue. I'm glad today isn't April 14th. Things could be a lot worse. Worrying about it won't fix whatever the problem is. Tossing and turning won't get Uncle Sam off my back. Funny thing is? I don't owe any money. I'm due refunds. I may be struggling with the "It's not about me" concept... but I KNOW that this moment is not about the money. Prayer. That is what I need to do.

Lord? Help.

I'm starting my third blog. Makes you wonder if I'm ever going to shut up, eh?

I've been giving this blog a lot of thought... couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to do it. I've started rereading Rick Warren's book, Purpose Driven Life and I'm on Day 10. This is something like my 4th time around reading this book... so you'd think that I'd have found my purpose by now too. The first time I read the book I was still deeply depressed. I didn't find my purpose at the end of the allotted 40 days. I felt gyped. I think I wanted my money back.  It had been a good read... but it didn't change me much. I even did the small group study TWICE. And both times no purpose was to be found.

Now that I'm on my 4th time around I'm realizing that the book helps me focus and makes me think. I'm pretty aimless if I don't have something structured to focus on. I don't have some deep well of self-motivation. SO... the book does serve a purpose, even if it isn't the one Rick Warren promises it will fulfill.

I have a "Purpose Driven Journal"  at home. It's got a nice hardback cover. Seriously. No, I'm not joking. He actually markets a "purpose driven journal" to go along with his book.  To this date, I have yet to figure out what makes this journal more "purpose driven" than other journals I've kept that cost less. I'm up to Day 10 and shocker! I'd only ever gotten up to page 8 in the journal the other times I read the book. I've read the book all the way through each time and it's marked up with ink all over the margins... but that expensive little purpose driven journal hasn't really had a purpose. It made me think about blogging my thoughts online. I spend way more time at my computer than I do writing on paper. If I did my "purpose driven journal" online, I might actually finish it. Yet, the idea of having another journal where people can comment makes me nervous. The same people who took pleasure in pushing my buttons are still out there and last time I looked... my buttons were in the same place.

But the idea of "The Purpose Driven Blog" just won't go away. 40 days worth of my thoughts on a very specific topic. I know there are other people out there who have read the book or are reading the book. I guess my purpose would be to connect with them as well as anybody who reads my other two blogs. My thoughts were getting really crowded in my head with all the different sources of inspiration feeding into them. My other posts were becoming REALLY long... or I just didn't mention stuff because it seemed off topic... but the purpose driven thoughts are there... and they have to go somewhere. Might as well be here.

SO... this blog is strictly about the day's reading in The Purpose Driven Life book and the questions Rick Warren poses in it. I need a place to journal what his thoughts are making ME think and how I can apply what I am learning so that my life does have more purpose. Floating around aimlessly sucks. I want to process what  Rick Warren is saying and what it means to my day to day life... and how that affects my greater purpose. Stuff here may overlap from my other journal... because it's still me writing but I'm going to try to keep stuff like the Transformations study out of this blog.

 It's Day 10... but for the sake of continuity... I'm going to do really short posts on Days 1-10 tonight and then tomorrow carry on with Day 11. I've thought about this a lot and it's time to take another step out of my bubble. At this point I cautiously welcome comments with the hope that I've grown some in the past few months and my buttons aren't so easily pushed...

*Laurel purposefully wades back into the blogstream...